Caregiving is a whole new learning curve

I am on a new path. After supporting and guiding families for 26 years, I am now on the same type of journey I have coached people through for more than 2 decades. I am both confident I know what to do, and thoroughly exhausted. Implementing help is hard to navigate as the caregiver. While the caregiver burden is a challenging one, I have a partner who is more resistant than many. As a neurodiverse person, he brings more angst to the equation. Every choice is examined and overanalyzed, then reexamined. His unwavering confidence in me is now met with distrust and skepticism.

So, for those of you who are in a similar situation, I see you. The laundry, the constant demands for attention, the messes, the sleep deprivation. I know he doesn’t mean to, and I try to be nice or at least quiet about it…

This NYT article came to my inbox exactly when I needed to read it, so it sat there for about a week. And I did finally read it, and it was full of reminders.

NYT Supporting Caregivers

My favorite advice for caregiver support is for friends and family to just listen and try not to fix. When you offer to help, be specific. The people pleaser / caregiver personality type is not known for asking for help and the generic offer is a new task to be completed. If anyone else is like me, I don’t even know what I need or what would be helpful. I am just getting through the day. SO, offer to cover for a couple or hours, bring a meal or donate a Uber Eats card, offer to pick up something needed from the store, be specific. In the generosity of offering, put some thought into suggestions and the caregiver you know can choose rather than having to think it up themselves.

And as I traverse this new land, I will come back here from time to time to share thoughts and ideas. When I have slept and eaten something and possibly showered, I may also find the time to impart my lessons learned or challenges met and unmet.

I send love and unwavering patience to you who find yourself in the thankless tasks with the deep love and grief that you might be experiencing.

~Lisa